一时兴起，译着玩的

Cinderella

原帖由 Lemony 于 2008-11-21 14:36 发表
作者应该是女的吧，中间有You led my hand, danced along the crazy theme.
我也译错了一段，原来long hair tied behind, cool and killing.是形容男的呢

你不如把原文都贴出来，大家看看。究竟是男是女你还是要弄清楚的，第二段里，这个 "you"可不能一会是男的一会是女的。这篇文章的作者没有在转换叙事者吧。如果没有，那么从第一段到第二段都该是同一个人在讲述。

[ 本帖最后由 Cinderella 于 2008-11-21 14:48 编辑 ]

Lemony

Cold here，　icy cold there。　You belong to neither，　leaves have withered。　Your face is pale and blue，　a tearful smile。　Something in your eyes，　whispers words of last good-bye。　My heart sinks down，　tears surge out。　  
Hot summer。　Cheerful Cocktail。　You took my hand。　We fled into another world of ba nd。　You sat by my side，　long hair tied behind，　cool and killing。　Smile floating on the lemonade，　soft and smooth。　How I was　？amazed。　Your face looked like the cover of the magazine。　My head spin。　You led my hand，　danced along the crazy theme。　  
Light vied with wine，　elegance mixed with fragrance，　laughing covered by greetings，　the crowed was busy at handshaking。　You stood there，　eyes on me。　I trembled at the sparkles，　brighter than the light。　A masterpiece from God，　I felt dizzy。　We were not near，　yet we were together。
  Days ended. You said, you would wait for me at th e Alps side. We would ski against snowflakes dancing in the sky. I gave no answer but a good-bye to accompany your flight. Gone was the plane, I suddenly tasted my pain. I knew I had been silly and stupid, you were in my heart, I shouldn ’t have hidden in the dark. I tried to forget your disappointment. I made believe sometime someday, I would tell you, I feel all the same.
　  My thought struggled at confessing, somehow hesitation ended in flinching. I continued my role of a fool, clinched to my maiden pride, yet secretly indulged in your promise of the white land -- snow measuring down to us, in your arms I am lifted up. The chiming of Christmas bell!
    The bell died in the patter of rain, from hell came the laughing of Satan at my brain. Tearful smile, swallowed by the darkness. How could I trace your hair to wipe your tears? My hands reached out, catching nothing but a raindrop, on a leaf that had withered.
    Snowflakes have melted into water, we are no more together.
刚才网上查到 原来是翁帆写给杨振宁的信

[ 本帖最后由 Lemony 于 2008-11-21 14:58 编辑 ]

Lemony

既然是翁帆写给杨振宁的情书，我就翻译的肉麻一点，尽量符合杨振宁的感觉，大家不要笑哈。
Hot summer. Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fled into another world of ba nd. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind, cool and killing. Smile floating on the lemonade, soft and smooth. How I was ?amazed. Your face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head spin. You led my hand, danced along the crazy theme.
夏天的一抹晕
涂满了鸡尾酒会的黄昏
未曾料及的相遇
倒映温泉脉脉的你
你握着我的手
天地一瞬间
手心突然的温暖
我无法呼吸

纤弱丝带系住你的长发
系不住你温文儒雅的笑容
带着浮动阳光的气息
滑过柠檬水，滑到我心里
我这是怎么了？
毫无意识的沉迷

仿似在哪见过你
杂志封面还是梦里
亦或前世遗留在风中宿命的密码
交给你的手，幸福的破译
在疯狂的旋转中
我看见你眼里的美丽
你我相异时光的脚步在此时
舞出同样的旋律
（叫我如何能不爱上你）

慕容婉儿

先让我呕吐一下。.......OTZ

翁帆所写“情书”

Cold here, icy cold there. You belong to neither, leaveshavewithered.

Your face is pale and blue, a tearful smile. Some-thing inyoureyes,whispers words of last good-bye. My heart sinks down,tearssurge out.

Hot summer.Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fledintoanother world of ba nd. You sat by my side, long hair tiedbehind,cool and killing.Smile floating on the lemonade,soft andsmooth.HowI was? amazed.Your face looked like the cover of themagazine.Myhead spin. You led my hand,danced along the crazytheme.

Light vied with wine, elegance mixed with fragrance,laughingcovered by greetings, the crowed was busy at handshaking.You stoodthere, eyes on me. I trembled at the sparkles, bcentererthan thelight. A masterpiece from God, I felt dizzy. We were notnear, yetwe were togeth-er.

Days ended. You said, you would wait for me at th e Alps side.Wewould ski against snowflakes dancing in the sky. I gave noanswerbut a good-bye to ac-company your flight. Gone was the plane,Isuddenly tasted my pain. I knew I had been silly and stupid,youwere in my heart, I shouldn ’t have hidden in the dark. I triedtoforget your disappointment. I made be-lieve sometime someday,Iwould tell you, I feel all the same.

My thought struggled at confessing, somehow hesitation endedinflinching. I continued my role of a fool, clinched to mymaidenpride, yet secretly in-dulged in your promise of the whiteland --snow measuring down to us, in your arms I am lifted up. Thechimingof Christmas bell!

The bell died in the patter of rain, from hell came thelaughingof Satan at my brain. Tearful smile, swal-lowed by thedarkness.How could I trace your hair to wipe your tears?My handsreachedout,catching nothing but a raindrop, on a leaf thathadwithered.

Snowflakes have melted into water, we are no more together.

网友译文(版本之一)

此处寒兮，彼处亦寒。

枯叶凋零兮，君当何人属欤？

君面惨淡忧郁兮，相看带笑泪眼。

君热泪盈盈复喃喃喁唧兮，别亦难。

沉落兮，泪涌似涛自难抑。

当忆酷夏兮，鸡尾酒会欢娱。

君执妾手兮，沉醉于二人世界里。

君坐妾之侧兮，髻发高束；英姿勃发兮，酷毙。

笑逐颜开兮，温润如玉。

讶君之面兮，再世吕布周郎。

心荡漾兮，手为君执；和曲起舞兮，癫狂。

灯盏相辉兮，芳雅相应；祝辞笑浪起伏兮，芸芸相送急。

君且立一旁兮，美目探妾。

妾莹灯下伫立兮，心动不已。

感帝之杰作兮，使妾沉迷。虽与君相隔远兮,心心相近。

旧日已逝兮，如梦。

会当临于阿尔卑斯山侧兮，滑雪于雪花飞舞之穹下。

欲说还休兮，惟祈安康。

航机渐逝兮，妾心将苦。

深知妾之愚钝兮，然君已窃妾心；妾当不可漠然兮，黯然彷徨。

妾亦尝忘君兮，恐失之交臂。

信有时兮，告君心迹。

挣于忏悔兮，退缩犹豫。

愚于处子之婚盟兮，窃纵意于君之诺。白雪皑皑兮，君挽妾身；妾意甚欢兮，聆圣诞钟鸣。

然钟声忽止于急雨兮，但闻撒旦之欢声笑语。

含泪倩笑兮，吞泯于暗黑。

欲将君之发揾君之泪兮，可欤？伸手所触兮，惟一叶飘零一滴飘洒。观积雪融兮，叹与君各在天涯。

Cinderella

好啦，慕容和Lemony，你们都很不错啦！你俩也试着译个完整版本嘛！谁说这个网上的版本就是最好的了？？？？我相信你们按自己的风格译出来，一定也很美！~~~关键是，一定要理解对哦，不要理解错误，那样的话，再美也没用的

Cinderella

对了， Dorothy也来一个！

慕容婉儿

不是，偶呕吐是因为想起杨翁恋...虽然本人还是比较同意“爱情是与年龄无关”这个论断的，但是看到这么肉麻的告白...俺又想吐了先。sorry...

Dorothy

怎么就突然加了个我呢？！
我本来是来看热闹的说。。。

Cinderella

原帖由 慕容婉儿 于 2008-11-21 19:32 发表
不是，偶呕吐是因为想起杨翁恋...虽然本人还是比较同意“爱情是与年龄无关”这个论断的，但是看到这么肉麻的告白...俺又想吐了先。sorry...

婉儿这就不对了，该打板子

哪对情人的情话不情深款款呢？情话是说给对方听的，也只有对方明白和接受。所以呢，我们没必要去肉麻哦呵呵，肉麻是你自己的心动了。——有位徒弟问师父：“师父，是风吹幡在动？还是幡自己在动？”师父说：“风也未曾吹得幡动，幡也未曾自己动。是你心动啦！”哈哈————注解：世上本无事，庸人自扰之。泰山崩于前而不动声色，是因为心未曾动也。

[ 本帖最后由 Cinderella 于 2008-11-21 21:47 编辑 ]

Dorothy

Lemony和慕容婉儿的那种文言式的翻译我很欣赏，但是自己做不到，呵呵~
我想，翻译没有所谓的好坏对错，关键是要有译者自己的风格。
所以呢，这既然是一封情书，我就把它回归本质，简单地当作是一段承载了一个女人对一个男人浓浓爱意的文字来翻译了。嘿嘿，希望大家喜欢！

Cold here, icy cold there. You belong to neither, leaves have withered. Your face is pale and blue, a tearful smile. Something in your eyes, whispers words of last good-bye. My heart sinks down, tears surge out. Hot summer. Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fled into another world of band. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind, cool and killing. Smile floating on the lemonade, soft and smooth. How I was? amazed. Your face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head spin. You led my hand, danced along the crazy theme. Light vied with wine, elegance mixed with fragrance, laughing covered by greetings, the crowed was busy at handshaking. You stood there, eyes on me. I trembled at the sparkles, brighter than the light. A masterpiece from God, I felt dizzy. We were not near, yet we were together. Days ended. You said, you would wait for me at the Alps side. We would ski against snowflakes dancing in the sky. I gave no answer but a good-bye to accompany your flight. Gone was the plane, I suddenly tasted my pain. I knew I had been silly and stupid, you were in my heart, I shouldn’t have hidden in the dark. I tried to forget your disappointment. I made believe sometime someday, I would tell you, I feel all the same. My thought struggled at confessing, somehow hesitation ended in flinching. I continued my role of a fool, clinched to my maiden pride, yet secretly indulged in your promise of the white land -- snow measuring down to us, in your arms I am lifted up. The chiming of Christmas bell! The bell died in the patter of rain, from hell came the laughing of Satan at my brain. Tearful smile, swallowed by the darkness. How could I trace your hair to wipe your tears? My hands reached out, catching nothing but a raindrop, on a leaf that had withered. Snowflakes have melted into water, we are no more together.

这里的天气渐渐凉了，那里应该会更冷些吧。秋叶纷纷落下，一段未知的旅程等待着你矫健的步伐。你苍白而憔悴的面颊，微笑中泛着泪花。眼神中流露的不舍，仿佛在轻声地念着：“爱人，再见吧！”我的心在此刻融化，泪水翻涌而下。一场鸡尾酒会的欢愉，蔓延在记忆中那个炎夏。你牵起我手的霎那，我们仿佛逃脱了世事的繁杂。你在我身边坐下，身后束起的长发，令人窒息地英俊潇洒。柠檬美酒上荡漾的笑脸，令人倾倒地温文尔雅。我无法用言语来形容自己当时的惊讶。你的面容如杂志封面的照片一般完美无瑕。令我神魂颠倒，难以自拔。舞曲的疯狂，远不及与你携手共舞的欢畅。美酒映衬着灯光，典雅伴随着芬芳，我们微笑着向彼此致意，周围忙于握手的人们在此刻也成过往。你矗立远方，与我相望。闪耀的眼光比灯光更加明亮，在我心头激起阵阵微浪。你是上帝创造的奇迹，令我如此地沉醉，如此地着迷。我们距离虽远，心却紧拥在一起。日子一天天过去，你说：“我会在阿尔卑斯山脚下等你，与你一同体验迎着漫天飞舞的雪花滑行的刺激。”我只是道别，沉默不语地将你送上了飞机。你的离去，瞬间令我痛苦至极。我埋怨愚蠢糊涂的自己，为何不告诉你，你早已停驻在我的心里。我试着忘却你的失意。安慰自己，终有一天，我会告诉你，我也同样深爱着你。可每每想到要向你表白心意，我总是挣扎犹豫，不敢前进。我佯装不解风情，保持着少女的骄傲与矜持，却又在回想起你关于那片洁白圣土的诺言时，不由自主地沉溺。你在雪中将我抱起，圣诞的钟声演绎着爱的旋律。脑海里撒旦的笑声令人心悸，耳畔悠扬的钟声消逝在雨里。黑暗吞噬了含泪的笑意。我如何才能寻着你的发丝，拭去你的泪水，让你不再哭泣？我伸出双手，只触到落叶上一颗晶莹的雨滴。雪花渐渐消融，你我即将分离。

[ 本帖最后由 Dorothy 于 2008-11-29 23:04 编辑 ]