Why They Never Got Divorced

凉拌折耳根

In The Great Gatsby, Daisy never files for divorce despite knowing Tom’s affair, while Tom panics and flees with her when she finally brings it up. Their choices stem not from love or hatred, but from the unspoken rules of the upper class in the Jazz Age—rules built on class privilege, shared interests, and an obsession with social respectability.
Daisy’s decision is never about love; it is about her fear of losing everything she relies on. She is a product of the upper-class system, a "caged bird" enjoying the comfort, status, and protection that Tom’s old-money family provides. Gatsby’s newly earned wealth, no matter how huge, can never match the stability of Tom’s family reputation, which is deeply rooted in the social hierarchy. In that era, women had little means to survive independently. Divorce would push her out of her privileged circle, leaving her penniless and disgraced in the eyes of society. Daisy is also a coward who avoids conflicts. She would rather drown her pain in luxury and pleasure than face the harsh reality of making a choice. When Gatsby asks her to choose between him and Tom, she shrinks back—she wants Gatsby’s romance but cannot give up Tom’s social status. To her, keeping the marriage intact is the safest bet, even if it means living a hollow life.
Tom, despite his arrogance and cruelty, is nothing but a paper tiger when it comes to divorce. His panic comes from three things. First, his male ego and desire for control are shattered. He is used to calling the shots, openly having an affair as a symbol of his power. But when Daisy wants to leave, he becomes the one being rejected, a humiliation he cannot stand. Second, divorce would ruin his family’s good name. In his elite circle, an affair can be a hidden secret, but a divorce is a scandal that would make him a laughingstock. What makes it worse is that Daisy wants to leave him for Gatsby—a man he looks down on as a vulgar new rich. Third, he is running away from guilt. Daisy accidentally kills Myrtle, Tom’s mistress, and Tom quickly shifts the blame to Gatsby, which leads to Gatsby’s death. If Daisy divorces him and becomes independent, she might spill the truth out of fear. By keeping Daisy with him, he can silence her and escape both legal and moral responsibility. Deep down, Tom also cannot bear to lose Daisy. Her beauty, elegance, and noble birth are part of his identity—she is a "trophy" that shows off his status as an old-money aristocrat.
In the end, Daisy’s refusal to divorce and Tom’s fear of it are two sides of the same coin. Their marriage is not a union of love, but an alliance of class interests. Both are prisoners of the upper class, trapped by wealth, status, and social expectations. They lack the courage to break free, and cannot afford the price of doing so. In the end, they choose to run away, leaving all the blame on the dead Gatsby, and return to their fancy but empty lives. That is the coldest irony of the whole story.