Say Sorry to Mum

王倩倩Annie

    The relationship between mum and I used to be not as close as that between dad and I. Even today, I couldn’t find the definite answer to it. But this did happen and had lasted a long time until the year I went to college.
    Maybe it’s only because I am a girl, and most daughters in the world have the instinct to choose to stay closer to their dads. The fact that it’s mum who took charge of my daily life seemed so naturally to me that I used to take it for granted. I even held a strong belief that it’s my mum’s responsibility to cook the three meals everyday and buy beautiful clothes for me. But I owed all my healthy growth and development to my dad, who has brought me to the frontier of art and science, but did very little for my daily life.
    I used to hold a rather stupid opinion that only because mum is illiterate, I could show her no respect when we enter into something about study. It’s so deeply rooted in my mind that whenever I brought my examination paper home, irrespective of how eager and earnest mum wished to see my marks, I would turn her down by giving her a very simple explanation: “You know nothing about my study, what’s the difference whether you see my examination paper or not.” How silly and cruel I was! I can clearly remember the disappointment in mum’s eyes. She said nothing but to leave silently.
    I have failed so many times to read my mum’s feelings. Maybe that’s only because I tried to ignore her sadness to relieve myself. I had never thought for her. As a mother, she gave all her care and love to her only daughter. She knew she couldn’t help me with my study, but this was her way to show her care and love toward me. But me, who she placed her happiness on, was always turning a blind eye. I was totally ignored her tender love.
    I had made another mistake by following dad to utter something unpleasant to mum, which must have hurt her deeply. Even today, these sinful memories always flood me with sheer guilt. I didn’t know what drive dad to comment on mum’s not so good appearance when I was still a primary school student. But as the dearest daughter of mum, I didn’t try to protect and support her. What’s worse, I even followed dad sometimes. Disappointed and depressed, mum only said: “Child shouldn’t have the opinion that his mother is ugly.” How could I put feelings from the inner heart of mum aside? Why hadn’t I put myself in her position to care her? I couldn’t remember how many times mum had said this to me, if I knew, I could have known how many times I have hurt this woman, this dedicated mum, my dearest mum! I owe her my sincere apologies.
    Mum and dad accompanied me to Changsha the first time when I had to study and live on myself. The thirteen hours’ train ride seemed to be so short. I clearly remember the scene when I saw them off at the train station. Although mum turned her face away in order to avoid my eyes, I could see tears in her eyes. It must be very rough for mum to say goodbye to me. How could she cut off eighteen years of closeness? Suddenly, at that fleeting moment, I seemed to touch mum’s deep thought, her tolerance, and her deep and silent love for me all these years. What about me? What I did do all these years to my mum except took everything she did for granted? I hadn’t said anything to express my gratitude to her, to thank her for all her love and dedication toward me.
    I owe mum my sorry, my gratitude, my endless care and love.