Future，future！

Misspring

Future, future!

  If you asked me what was my expectation of the future, I’d tell you without a second of delay that I wanted to be successful and affluent; I longed for a decent and comfortable life ,and I wished myself to be free from the burden of earning for a living. In fact, I have always thought that that is exactly what I want for my life, thus believing all my perseverance and motivation have stemmed from that clear vision of my future. This belief, however, is gradually being replaced by a sense of uncertainty and anxiety as I slip into my junior year of university.Reality, once only living on my mouth and in my mind, suddenly becomes almost touchable. It comes so near, bringing along numerous questions waiting for an answer, that I find myself totally bewildered. I begin to realize the biting fact that there is a huge gap to be bridged between my envisioned future and the reality. What’s worse, anxious as I have become, I still haven’t figured out how to come to peace with all these turbulences in my heart.
  Sometimes I feel really tired. Sometimes I wish I could quit all the exhausting studying and struggling and leave the damned future to hell. I am that kind of person who is always straining her energy in order to do everything best. Without being urged by anyone, I am the slave-owner of myself, feeling compelled to achieve more things in a shorter time. The result is that after a period of highly intensified life, I have pushed myself to the point where I can no longer hold my fatigue both in energy and mentality in silence. At that time, I’d ask myself in tears what all these hard labors are for. Why on earth do I have to work so hard while lots of my peers are shopping or watching movies to entertain themselves? What is the meaning?
  Another fact that compounds my bitterness toward the future is the great burden I assume from my parents. I know that of course they don’t wish to place a single bit of pressure from their part, but their great love and unconditional support through all these years have made me firmly convinced that to achieve success as they have wished is the best way to repay their devotion .I cannot let them down and I cannot bear to. While most of the time I can manage it as a stimulator to my studying, occasionally it still tortures my mind, making me feel more strained.
  Besides my internal struggle with the increasingly ambiguous future, external temptations are adding insult to injury. For one thing, although going to graduate school was long considered a must by me before, as a lot of my friends and classmates clearly announced their resolution to step out of the ivory tower after graduation, I can not help but ponder on the value of another two years’ studying. Will the potential benefits of a higher degree repay my devotion of time, energy and money? Is a higher degree the only path toward bigger success? What if I left my dream of becoming a master of interpretation in dust and also find a job? Will it really be that bad as I have imagined before？
  I never try to hide my eagerness to earn good money, which I think is a prerequisite to that kind of decent and comfortable life I’ve long yearned for.Therefore, apart from the spiritual satisfaction I may get from a larger reservoir of knowledge, I give more weight to whether that knowledge can give me an edge in climbing up the ladder toward success. With the market value of masters and even doctors seemingly on the decrease and not a few of examples around me in which my acquaintances have managed to live quite an enviable life without a higher degree, I become unsure about whether I have to go to further study.
  I know if I told my parents my hesitation about going to graduate school, they would surely be shocked and even disappointed, but somehow and some time I have to figure this out with their help.Anyway, changing my mind or not, it’s time for me to clear up the overwhelming bewilderness, make a decision and never sway from it anymore.
  I still don’t know where my future lies exactly, and I feel like a child groping her way for a light.But, for worse or for better, I am still seeking.

[ 本帖最后由 Misspring 于 2008-10-17 20:39 编辑 ]

Cinderella

affluent: the word is mainly used to refer to a group or an area

The passage is touching for its sincerity.

First of all, I shall thank you for reminding me of the importance not to pay much attention to my child's examine papers. Now he is in primary school and always brings back a paper marked "100". And we'll be glad and content, not knowing that this will do great harm to him for he may therefore exaggerate the importance of getting full marks in exams and may not treat marks with a correct attitude.

Second, I shall say, the fact that you become bewildered now is due to the fact that you've already swum to the middle of the ocean in your cross-ocean swim. It's especially important for us to correctly evaluate ourselves and what we have done at this critical moment. It's really a critical period of time. Just persevere, and soon you'll have the land in sight. And you'll know, the destination is not far to reach now.

The last but not the least important is that, I assure you, no matter what kind of life you live, rich or poor; no matter what social prestige you enjoy, the decisive factor of whether you'll feel happy is how much satisfaction you yourself can get from your life. If you only aim at a better life, and spare no effort in getting it, I'm afraid you'll disappoint yourself whether you achieve it or not. For you'll find you can never enjoy "NOW" but always expect the "FUTURE".

Personally I like your smartness, your beauty, your good taste, your beautiful English, but all these are not the necessary factors of your happiness, can you realize that? A good job can not necessarily guarantee your happiness. Nor a good income. What really brings you happiness is your acceptance of yourself as you are.

We can dream and get joy from the realization of the dream, and from the journey we take to realize our dream. Yet we shall never forget to adore the present "ME", not the future "ME".

[ 本帖最后由 Cinderella 于 2008-10-28 09:31 编辑 ]