父亲
1924年，美国总统卡尔文•柯立芝建议把父亲节作为一个全国性的节日，以便“在父亲和子女间建立更亲密的关系，并且使父亲铭记自己应尽的全部责任”。1972年，尼克松总统正式签署了建立父亲节的议案。后来，这一节日逐渐流传到世界各地。如今，历来重视亲子关系、强调父亲教养责任的中国城市人群，也潜移默化地接受了这个“洋节”。以独生子女为养育对象的中国式核心家庭类似无限责任公司，父母对子女的前途命运负无限责任。“子不教，父之过”，子女的贤愚、得失、功过牵连其父。父亲不但要负经济、道德等方面的连带责任，而且要被社会和家庭全方位地追究“领导责任”。对独生子女教育成功的收益不可预期，但教育失败的机会成本却是百分之百。因此，父亲是儿女的标杆——尺度，这个“尺度”的分寸很难把握。
父亲雅称“家严”，中国传统文化、礼教、风俗已经对父爱角色作了准确、详尽、合理的定位。“父道尊，母道亲”。父亲必须保持应有的尊严，必须自尊，才能获得家庭的尊重，然后才能保持并实施家庭教育第一责任人的尊严。“君不正，臣投外国，父不正，子奔他乡”。就是说，父亲必须以身作则，否则，无法团结教育子女，履行父亲的管教责任，甚至可能导致父子反目、离心离德。严父慈母是父母亲分别担当的固有角色，严格、严厉、严肃是父亲的应有风格。但有的父亲把一个“严”字衍化为棍棒教育、打骂教育。我从禅宗教育中得到一些启示，“棒喝”的宗旨是刺激、提醒、指点、点化，目的是开悟增慧，而不是压服，更不是展示家长威风。所以，一个称职的父亲重在见识高低，不在脾气大小，不要高人一等，关键是要高人一筹，做孩子的启蒙老师，做孩子的精神向导。
In 1954,the US president Calvin Coolidge made a propose that “Fathers’ DAY” should be ranked as a national festival in the hope that “to establish a closer relationship between the father and children as well as strengthen the father’s sense of obligation and duty” .In 1972,President Nixon endorsed the proposal officially. As time went by, Father’s Day has gradually caught on around the world. In nowadays’ Chinese, a group of people attaching great importance on the relationship between parents and children as well as the duty of the father, are imperceptibly influenced by this “foreign” holiday.
Chinese nuclear family, with only one child in each household, likes an unlimited liability corporation , in which the parents shoulder endless responsibilities for their only child’s future. As an old saying goes”It is the father’s fault not to bring up the child”, which means it all depends on father whether the child is intelligent or stupid, to be a failure or to be someone. The father not only shoulder the collocatedresponsibilities on economics and morale, but also are burdened with the “leadership duties” by the society and family. You can never foresee what you will obtain from the successful educationon your only child. However, you definitely understand that you will get nothing from a failure one and even worse, you will loose all .Thus, the father is the example of the child, and without any doubt, this example is hard to set.
“jia yarn”, another honorific name in China, which is defined by Chinese traditional culture, customs and religions. ”The father is severe, the mother is indulgent.”In another words, only through self-respect that the father can earn the reverence of the family and maintain the dignity as the first “legal person” in the family-education-company. “Emperor of injustice results in the betray of the ministers; father of unfairness leads to the forsake of his son.” That is to say, the father should conduct in an exemplary way, or they will be unable to practice their duty to educate their children, which would result in disunity among father and child. “Severe” and “indulgent” are the two characterisctics which should be taken by father and mother respectively, thus a father should be severe ,stern and serious. However some father explains “strictness” as the education of “abuse and blame plus rod”. However, according to Zen, education aided with rod should aim at stimulating and enlightening their children rather than abuse and oppression, still less to show parents’ power and prestige. Thus a good father should be a excellent teacher and a nice guide, and the criteria of a good father lies in his broad knowledge not his hot temper, as well as depends on his higherness in wisdom but superiority in rank.
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